I was having a conversation with my nephew about making sure he takes care of himself. That he gets poured into as well as pouring himself into others. He smiled and replied with the phrase, “put your mask on first.” Having been a business traveler for several decades with many of those trips requiring a plane ride, I was well acquainted with that expression. I have seen the demo hundreds of times. Not putting our mask on first will deprive us of life-giving oxygen. It will leave us weak and confused. We will not be able to help those around us get their masks on.
It is important to know, that before we can help someone else, even the ones we love most, we need to take care of ourselves. Especially in a crisis. If we are exhausted or stressed, we are less likely to be able to offer effective support to others. It is counterintuitive, but it is an unselfish act. Putting our own needs first allows us to be better equipped to help others in the long run.
Prioritizing our own well-being means making our physical, mental, and emotional health a top priority. I did a prior blog on Rest and Renewal that highlighted Stephen Covey’s Habit 7 – “Sharpen the Saw” which focused more on the physical and mental needs for renewal. Being poured into focuses more on the emotional and spiritual. We live life from the inside out. When we take care of what goes on inside of ourselves, we have the resources to impact others around us.
Taking care of our body, mind, and soul requires vigilance. We may have to set boundaries, plug leaks, even triage friendships and requests. It is hard to fill up when we are unaware of ongoing depletions. Sometimes letting go of toxic relationships and bad habits allows oxygen to flow more freely and abundantly. It can expand our capacity. If we wait for extreme emergencies that require oxygen masks to drop in front of us, we might not have enough time to implement self-care.
“The purpose of letting go isn’t so you replace it with something new. It’s so you can experience the peace that exists in the space you created.” ― Jamila Reddy
Covey also discusses an “emotional bank account.” He used it as a metaphor in reference to interpersonal relationships, filling up the emotional bank account of your partner or child or loved one. A way to visualize the positive and negative balance of a relationship, similar to a financial bank account, but with trust and respect as the currency. I think we can extend the metaphor to our own emotional bank account, to making “deposits” into our own well-being. We can then draw down our balance to be generous with others.
I read that Mother Teresa and Pope John Paul II took 3-4 hours every morning to reconnect in quiet time with the Lord before dealing with their worldly duties. Yet, ironically, we feel the need to bounce out of bed and immediately start tackling the world – usually ill-prepared, ill-equipped, and disconnected. Jesus himself prioritized His relationship with the Father. He often took time to be by Himself and pray. He also traveled to Bethany where He had friends He loved dearly that could pour into him.
Consider the early church and its profound impact on society. They poured into others. They loved the unlovable and cared for those that no one else would care for. They risked their lives to comfort those dying of infectious disease and sacrificed their own possessions for orphans and widows. How were they able to continuously give? By surrendering their heart and soul to God and letting Him continuously pour into them.
We can’t effectively serve God and others if we are depleted or neglecting our own needs. God’s grace is what allows us to put our spouses first, to serve our families, to forgive. We need to seek it and soak in it. We need to put our mask on first.
