I initially heard this concept in a Bishop Baron podcast. He discussed how as a kid learning the game of baseball, his coaches focused on the sport’s transcendental attributes – beauty, richness, and precision. The true baseball fan loves the 6-4-3 double play. His coaches did not lead with the intricacies of the game. They did not lead with the infield fly rule. We typically don’t get drawn towards things because of the rules.
Coaching ‘kids’ soccer starts with 4v4 and very few rules. The idea being keep them moving, get them engaged, and build their enjoyment. There is time later in their growth with the sport to teach the proper throw-in technique plus what exactly is offside.
If we are endeavoring to share something we love with someone, we don’t start with particular rules and fine points; we start with the beauty and excitement within that entity. We focus on creating enjoyment and the yearning to learn more. Rules have a way of bogging down the process right from the start.
One of the biggest regrets in my life comes from my Senior year of college football where I got hung up on the team rules of “recognition” instead of keeping my focus on the love of the game. I rebelled against what I felt was an injustice and as a co-Captain fell short of being the leader I should have been.
We can receive career promotion opportunities, not only based on results, but also the desire and energy we show. It is the passion we rely on to start our new roles while we figure out the framework and details. We are asked to dive in without knowing all the bells and whistles. My career has been
one of creating something out of nothing, where I go at my role and tasks with heart and vigor, then follow with structure. I like the adage, “build the plane while flying it” as the “flying it” is the love.
Don’t get me wrong, we do need to play by the rules, so learning them is necessary. But the rules can’t be the first thing that concerns us. In fact, once we have passion, rules can enhance the experience. Rules are there for a reason and when we love something, we want there to be respect and reverence to protect this love. Even quirky rules, like the infield fly rule or being able to attempt an uncontested field goal after a fair catch in football, might be questioned but we accept them and move forward.
A willing violation of the rules, cheating, is disrespectful to the game. It creates disdain against our love of the game. My oldest daughter’s first AAU basketball experience included a coach who believed, “It’s only cheating if you get caught.” I sat in the stands bewildered as he taught illegal tactics to a bunch of 10-year-old girls. A side note … this was my impetus to create and run an AAU basketball program in our area.
During my High School Football Coaching experience I attended a coaches clinics session titled, “Rules Without Relationship Breeds Rebellion.” No doubt, rules set the context and the expectations of behavior. A coach needs to set and enforce rules. However, in today’s world the “my way or the highway” philosophy no longer works. Relationships are required and pave the way for proper communication about those expectations.
Lindsey Bell wrote in a recent blog post, “Rules without love leads to legalism, but rules with love lead to life.” Successful communities, teams, and organizations go beyond achievements set by boundaries, laws and rules by instilling the principle of loving our neighbor. People live with more intentionality and attention to the needs of others. St. Paul writes in 
his letter to the Romans (13:10), “Love does no evil to the neighbor; hence, love is the fulfillment of the law.” When love directs a Christian’s moral decisions, the interest of law is safeguarded.
C.S. Lewis said, “We might think that God wanted simply obedience to a set of rules: whereas He really wants people of a particular sort.” Obedience is following the rules and being compliant. It is doing what is expected, but where is the love? The particular sort of person God wants is one who has a loving relationship with Him.
When it comes to sharing our faith, we are often guilty of starting with the infield fly rule. People looking at our faith from outside can conclude that it is all about rules. They don’t see the beauty of the game or the excitement in our relationship with God. I love my faith, and this love has created a new perspective which continues to lead me to see the depth behind the “rules.”
In the Garden of Eden, Satan took the focus off a loving God and made it about rules. Jesus broke the rules by healing on the Sabbath in an act of love. God wants and deserves our love. Until we get the essence of love right, rules will just seem like arbitrary impositions.
