“When you give in to aversion and anger, it’s as though, having decided to kill someone by throwing him into a river, you wrap your arms around his neck, jump into the water with him, and you both drown.” – Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche
A synonym for the word aversion as used in the above quote is disgust or loathing. These are emotions and not feelings. Emotions are the raw, immediate reaction, while feelings are the conscious understanding and interpretation of that raw experience. When we allow the negative emotions of disgust and anger to drive our actions, they are often without reflection and discernment and can lead to self-destruction and suffering, just like drowning in a river. In a sense, are we all not drowning at the moment?
Revenge and retribution seem to be in the headlines a lot these days. It is driven by a personal desire for payback, often fueled by anger and aversion. The intent is, there have been ‘wrongs’ administered, things that conflict with the way we want them to be. So much so that pain or discomfort needs to be inflicted in return. Retribution uses the state or legal authority to impose punishment.
It is no longer enough for the “good” to have its day. No, the “bad” must also be punished. There now exists a culture seeking retribution, some vengeance imparted to those who created the so-called transgressions. This desire for “justice”, as some call it, is not always healthy and, in a way, speaks volumes about a certain frustration and bitterness within our own lives. The itch to see other people suffer retribution reveals things about us we might not want to admit. If we have a tendency toward aversion and aggression, enemies start appearing everywhere at every moment.
The world is not as it truly is, but as it is perceived to be and those perceptions vary based on unique factors of our situation and environment. No single individual can discern the overall situation for an organization, family, community and even nation. Ghandi and Martin Luther King did not try and reset the clock. They saw the existing issues and problems – the wrong doings. However, they both were intent on moving forward to a better future, correcting wrongs, and bending the arc towards true “justice,” not retribution.
How do we move forward by wanting to go backward? Returning something to its former state does not necessarily make it better. As Billy Joel sang in, Keeping the Faith, “Cause the good ol’ days weren’t always good/And tomorrow ain’t as bad as it seems.” If something was great, why did it change? How was it allowed to change?
A great test of our character is how we respond to people for whom our retribution would be expected. There’s a story about Robert E. Lee that illustrates such behavior. When the general was called to testify at the trial of a man known to be his enemy, he surprised the court by saying very kind things about the defendant. The prosecutor protested, “But don’t you know what he has said about you?” Lee replied, “You asked my opinion of him, not his opinion of me.” Grace and mercy at the time of retribution are particularly surprising and powerful. When we return grace for resentment, something happens inside us. We find ourselves less able to loathe. We find space to breathe. Paying forward the grace God has given us. Loving others always starts in the moment with our actions.
The older brother in the Parable of the Prodigal Son gave into aversion and anger. He was resentful towards the prodigal son’s return and the father’s celebration. Too often, for many of us, we feel the bitterness or anger of the older brother. We have been invited to the banquet, but we are unhappy, pouting, and waiting for the Father to come and try to coax us beyond our sense of having been cheated. Too often the feeling among us good people, is we insist that retribution one day be bestowed to us in the name of justice.
A better alternative to giving in to aversion and anger is forgiveness. Forgiveness does not condone but rather releases us from the burden. Forgive us our trespasses (wrongdoings) as we forgive those who trespassed (done wrong) against us. We are called to Jesus’ teaching to love one’s enemies as He did, even on the cross.
Agape never dreams of revenge, never compels a Christian to feel any desire for retribution. Agape only seeks the highest good of others, no matter what they do to us, and no matter how they treat us. We are stewards of our own organizations, families, communities and even nations; participants in a global fabric where peace and prosperity are intertwined. As we confront complex challenges our response should be grounded in love of neighbor and love of truth.
Let’s keep the faith, forgive, return grace for resentment, and move forward without retribution.
