Often conflict and discomfort are required for success. Getting through the pain of starting an exercise program, developing a new skill, breaking an old habit, even having a tough conversation to clear the air. Too many of us become uneasy and even agitated when we encounter conflict or disagreement.
Conflict is inevitable and unavoidable. If there are more than two people gathered, there is potential for conflict. Embrace it. Don’t avoid it. In an earlier blog, I mentioned the U.S. Military Academy’s Cadet Creed that inspires having “the courage to choose the harder right over the easier wrong.” The harder right will include conflict and being uncomfortable. Purpose does what is necessary, even if it’s uncomfortable.
Peter McWilliam, an American self-help author, said, “Be willing to be uncomfortable. Be comfortable being uncomfortable. It may get tough, but it’s a small price to pay for living a dream.” Life has many rewards if we are willing to be a little uncomfortable at first.
Our finest moments can result from feeling deeply uncomfortable. It forces us to dig deep. Iron sharpens iron, through conflict. A drought strengthens the roots of trees. Putting more weight on the bar builds strength. Competition makes businesses better. The best soldiers are battle tested. In my “Be a Climber, Not a Camper” maxim, climbers understand there’s risk and discomfort involved in getting to new heights. Campers, on the other hand, settle for comfortable roles. Climbers get the most scenic views.
Being comfortable can be a trap. Change asks us to be conflicted and uncomfortable. It creates uncertainty. It also spurs growth. Sacrifice is uncomfortable. Transformation is uncomfortable. There is a direct relationship between uncomfortableness and accomplishment.
Some people refuse to change to avoid its pain. I learned early in my career that sales is selling change. When the pain of change is greater than the pain of staying the same, customers don’t change or purchase what I am selling.
When faced with conflict, we need to put aside the concept of winning and losing. Unless we are on a battlefield, chances are the person we come into conflict with is not the enemy. If we approach conflict with a strategy of resolution, we can create an ally where a potential adversary once stood. Embracing conflict and being uncomfortable can be a mutual commitment to the greater good.
We learn best when we consider different and opposing arguments. We all recognize this principle when we sit down to make “pro” and “con” lists. A good CEO urges advisors to speak their minds freely rather than be “yes men.” What lies at the heart of our legal system is that a just ruling depends on the engagement of vigorous prosecution and defense. Hollywood directors and screenwriters learned long ago that movies need conflict to hold the interest of the audience.
Patrick Lencioni and The Table Group, a firm dedicated to making companies more successful and work more fulfilling, employ the concept of mining for conflict. They propose that meetings are more engaging when a healthy level of conflict exists. The most controversial issues should be discussed and wrestled with at the beginning of meetings. They found that stifling conflict actually increases the likelihood of destructive, back-channel sniping, as well as poor decision making, because the team is not benefiting from the true ideas and perspectives of its members.
When the Catholic Church considers a candidate for canonization, a “devil’s advocate” is appointed to make sure all sides of the question are duly weighed. St. Thomas Aquinas took this principle so much to heart he began to address every issue by first developing strong arguments opposed to the correct answer.
“Sloth” is one of the seven capital or deadly sins. It is a sin of omission. It is derived from the Latin word, acedia, the inability to do good or resist evil, not an unwillingness to work. Sloth is related to cowardice and a fear of being in conflict. If we lessen expectations or requirements to avoid a conflict and keep the peace, that is sloth. Teddy Roosevelt, when accepting his Nobel Peace prize said, that peace “becomes a very evil thing if it serves merely as a mask for cowardice and sloth.”
In Luke 12:49, Jesus says, “I have come to set the earth on fire, and how I wish it were already blazing!” The next few verses highlight that His message will be a source of conflict and dissension even within families. God wants more than our comfortable praise; He wants a fiery passion around our daily purpose. He wants us to no longer stand outside the fire. He wants us in the arena of uncomfortableness moving His kingdom forward.
Jesus offers us Eternal Life but not an easy life. He does not promise wealth, or health. It is not about comfort here on earth. Our paths will be full of trials, obstacles, and challenges that will test our faith. Faith that is never tested, never grows. Oswald Chambers was right: “God does not give us overcoming life; he gives us life as we overcome.”